Once upon a time, in Australia back in the ’70s, Keith Lamb was a successful rock singer. However, with the breakup of his band, life was unrecognizable. Gone were the days of packed concert halls, standing ovations and autograph hounds at his feet. He was accustomed to being interviewed and spoken to by fans, so having a regular conversation was painful for him. Lamb found it difficult to reconnect with “ordinary,” everyday life. His business partner Louise Howland said, “He came in one day and said, ‘It’s called TAOC, The Art of Conversation. It’s a game to help people.’ “ And then he told her to get on with it.
Convinced that the idea had merit, Howland helped create a fun way to get people to warm up and start chitchatting. The Art of Conversation is an innovative card game with 300 intriguing conversation starters.
The cards have impressed their toughest critics, trade show buyers. The game won Best New Sidelines Showcase at the Washington, DC, book fair.
“I am a very shy person who has chosen work that requires me to be extroverted,” Howland says. ”I even felt at a loss and shy at family get-togethers or parties with close friends. So TAOC is a marvelous aid for me. To the point where I’d say it has been life-changing.
“I think that I could have achieved and completed a lot more things if TAOC had been in my life years ago. The social thing whereby people stick to their usual roles can be frustrating and the reason socializing can seem like a waste of time.”
I couldn’t resist asking Louise Howland a few more questions because her honesty and willingness to share her story were heartwarming. In fact, I told her that I’m going to visit Australia and have lunch with her one day. Talking to her was like reconnecting with a long-lost friend. The distinction she shares here about conversations has made me look in a different way at how I/we connect.
Which questions are your favorites from TAOC (The Art of Conversation)?
Howland: Sometimes it’s the very simple questions that lead to interesting stories . . . e.g., who taught you to drive and were you happy with their approach? And the follow-up to those questions tells a lot about someone’s life at that age. Worst imaginable marriage partner is usually fun, too! I like to hear someone’s idea of a perfect day, or how they would like to be spoiled, or if they had an enormous amount of money what chore would they no longer do. There is just so much there.”
How can your game help business people connect?
Howland: The Art of Conversation will help businesspeople develop genuine relationships. The relationships become based on mutual understanding and respect for each other’s perspective and knowledge of the person you are working with, as opposed to what you want the other person to be or what [his or her] title or corporate image suggests.
Messaging, cell phone calls, BlackBerries and e-mailing are fantastically useful, but I do not believe they create a genuine relationship. When time is short, a proper conversation is often the first commodity to be cut from our to-do lists. Yet it is necessary to understand each other and build our relationships. The stronger a relationship, the better it works and the more satisfying it is. I think that real connections can be the winning factor in business.
TAOC is about feeling valued, about understanding each other, ourselves and having compassion and empathy. As well as helping people learn how to talk, it places equal emphasis on learning how to listen. One of my favorite parts of the guidelines is the work on listening. Listening is more than being quiet while someone else speaks.
It is also important in business to be able to disagree without becoming disagreeable.
The better your interpersonal skills, the greater the rapport built between people and the stronger the bond. Of course, once you have an understanding of another person and know what is important to them and how they like to be treated, you will be in a better situation to perceive what they may want and the manner in which they would prefer business to be done. As well as having a strong basis and relationship that will withstand whatever conflict or differences may come into play.
How can TAOC break the ice?
Howland: It breaks the ice by creating conversations about the realities of a person’s life. Their day-to-day life, the life they wish for or the life they may have left behind.
To break the ice means that people feel comfortable, not intimidated. And when people feel at ease, the real person–the essence and the best of a person–can emerge. And awkward or false encounters are not enjoyable for most people.
So much conversation is formal, general in nature, and topics tend to be related to knowledge of current affairs, the arts, sports or whatever. That is all great but it can be generic and passé. I am not speaking of ignoring etiquette, culture or manners, quite the opposite. We do not believe in making people uncomfortable or trying to force any sort of self-revelation. Nor do we attempt through TAOC to discuss the social no-go areas of sex, religion and politics. Although there’s room to explore these areas if playing advanced stages of the game. We have some 11 variations on play, so it can be used in a number of ways.
TAOC was first played in Australia. How did it find its way to the United States?
Howland: Americans are so wonderful, friendly, outgoing and confident that it surprised me to receive so many inquiries about The Art Of Conversation from Americans. After numerous copies had found their way across the ocean, we decided that as Americans were embracing TAOC so wholeheartedly that the least we could was create an America version. Americans have found some extended uses for TAOC that have been exciting for us to learn of, e.g. in prisons, in rehabilitation, sports training, an ice breaker for dating services, language teaching, marriage counseling as well as in training of sales consultants. Having said that, TAOC is really just a game that most people would have fun with.
What’s next for TAOC?
Howland: I am incredibly excited about our children’s edition that has just been launched in Australia and 
will shortly be launched in the U.S. I believe in this with every little cell of my being. It is exciting and it is important. Experts have found some common denominators among high achievers. The most important of these were family dinners where thoughts, ideas and feelings were expressed and heard. The sad evidence is that many children, including bright children from educated homes, are starting school with speech delays. This is believed to be from less time speaking with and listening to others and more time in front of screens. If children learn to be good communicators and to speak clearly and listen, I believe that there is less likelihood of isolation, depression, anxiety and bullying.
Last but not least, TAOC is now translated into French and German, with more translations under way. The translations are not only language-based but have been adapted to each country’s cultural as well.
The game is so much fun to play. And it is small enough to fit in my purse. On my next trip, I’ll be playing it with my friends and associates. Visit them at www.taoc.com.au.
Feel free to share your thoughts, tips or questions about conversation here. I would love to hear from you. Really I would.
Michelle
6 Responses to “Got Conversation?”
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August 1st, 2008 at 7:42 pm
This sounds like a good idea. I’d love to get a copy to keep at home and take to cook outs etc.
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:44 am
What a great idea. Do you have any plans to translate it and launch it in any other countries?
August 4th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Dear Janine,
Thank you! Yes we have just translated into French and German. Some language schools and corporations are using TAOC to teach actual conversation (rather than “Where do I buy a bus ticket?”)
Thanks for your interest.
Happy conversations,
Louise and Keith
August 5th, 2008 at 12:39 am
TAOC hits all the right buttons for me. And I can’t wait for the Children’s edition. We love to chat in our noisy household so having a kinda planned way to do it will give everyone a chance to be heard. All I need to is where to buy it! Marybelle.
September 10th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
This really is an excellent idea
Do you mind if I link to this blog from my website?
November 21st, 2008 at 3:03 pm
It is funny how one day you are hot and the next you’re not. Vain associations just don’t last.